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ZXIOXZ Enters The Nowhere Kingdom (Who’d Ever Thought This Could Happen?)

Posted by on 25. September 2012


ZXIOXZ Enters the Nowhere Kingdom is a cross over between the adventures of the bungling alien ZXIOXZ and his insatiable desire to conquer Earth and the pathetic state of the creatures of the Nowhere Kingdom.  Who’d Ever Thought This Could Happen?

Read about ZXIOXZ Adventures below:

First Part: ZXIOXZ Conquers Earth

Second Part: ZXIOXZ Second Conquest

Read about the Nowhere Kingdom below:

First Part: A Visit to the Nowhere Kingdom

Second Part: Chaos in Nowhere Kingdom

Third Part: Deranged (?) Defies Nowhere

Fourth Part: Super Fallusion Sees the Light

Fifth Part: Morose Enters the Nowhere Kingdom


Ages after ZXIOXZ’ second conquest of Earth, he discovered that his second defeat was caused by a measly alarm clock. This time he knew he was prepared to once again conquer Earth.

Beings of the nth galaxy, I have discovered that our last defeat to Earth was caused by an alarm clock. An alarm clock is one of their devise used to measure time. However, unlike their ordinary clocks and watches, the alarm clock rings to wake up its user. The ring proved detrimental to us since sound we hear is magnified a million times. That proved to be our weakness back then. So we have invented a cure for this. This time we will conquer Earth.” ZXIOXZ said to the extra-terrestrial beings.

ZXIOXZ, please pardon me for asking, we are just about five inch short, what are our chances against those gigantic humans? This question was raised by QIX, who was back after a sabbatical.

“Loser, how dare you doubt our chances against Earth? Our armory is fifty million years ahead of Earth. They have absolutely no chance in resisting our conquest.” ZXIOXZ answered in an angry tone.

“ZXIOXZ is right! There is no room in doubting our chances. We have technology on our side.” ZIQ reiterated.

“Creatures of the nth Galaxy, are you ready to take our place in the Energy infested Earth? QAZ asked the nth Galatians.

“Let us conquer earth and take all its energy with us.” The beings of the galaxy exclaimed.

Everything was ready for their conquest. They know that victory is absolute in this case. Nothing can top them now. Nothing! No bread toaster… No alarm clocks… No nothings… The earth has never experienced a threat as grave as what the nth Galatians are capable of bringing. As they were about to enter the time warp to the blue planet, a meteor shower occurred shattering the trajectory of their time warp.

The moment they came out. They saw a very gloomy looking kingdom. The place was noiseless. The atmosphere was eerie. There was no life whatsoever. There were no signs of life.

This is not Earth? Where are we? What an obscure disposition this place is trying to project? Maybe we could conquer this instead? Hey wait, why am I asking so many questions? Why? Why? Why?” ZXIOXZ uttered.

“I’m afraid ZXIOXZ, this place might be full of dangers? What should we do?” QIX added.

“On with our plans!!! We can conquer this planet first, then Earth is next?” QAZ confidently chided.

ZIQ said: “Look up in the sky, there’s someone approaching… It looks like a bird…. No it’s a plane…?

“No it’s Super Fallusion, What brings you to this kingdom? Leave now or face my wrath.” Super Fallusion warned.

“Don’t Fallusion, let’s know their business first. What can the Nowhere Kingdom do for you? Nowhere Man blurted out.

“We are here to conquer this kingdom? You will be our slaves? What the heck, why am I asking so many questions? Why am I confused? Why are all my failures flashing before my eyes?” ZXIOXZ queried.

“You are in the land of illusion, broken dreams, confusion and miseries. Everything in here would remind you of failures. Everything… My name is Morose, they call me the dejected lass… Huh… Huh… Huh…. Sob… Sob… Sob…” Morose enunciated.

Deranged asked: “Why are you so small? Why is the sun in the center of the galaxy? What gives? What is the essence of being a woman? What is wrong with my stomach?”

QAZ said: “ you and your questions annoy me. Would you want to taste the fury of my electronutrahypersoligicitate gun? Sob… Sob… Sob… Why am I crying?”

“I always wanted to be a hero. I always wanted to be a king. I always wanted that tele-transport device my ancestors failed to give me three million light years ago. Why am I telling all my frustrations?” QIX added.

The conversation went on for what seems like eternity.  The grief of Morose, the broken dream of Super Fallusion, the confusion of Deranged (?), the illusion of Nowhere Man and the chaos in the kingdom went on and on and on for several more generations.  Extra-terrestrial beings of the nth galaxy started to cry and feel low about themselves.  The failures they have experienced have been too much already.

The nth Galatians started to feel the dismal mood in Nowhere – Nowhere Land.  They forgot everything including their plan to conquer Earth.  Too busy remembering all their frustrations.  Upon learning of their plan to conquer Earth, Nowhere Man told his story.

“I was part of the real world until I gave in to many of my vices. My quest for greatness failed. I wanted to be the greatest. I really aspired for that but I wasn’t able to achieve even a fraction of my goal.  Now, I am trapped here in Nowhere Kingdom until the day I finally end my illusions which I found here in Nowhere – Nowhere Land.  I guess, the illusions in this kingdom have made me feel that I am the greatest… I am not to return to the real world again… “ Nowhere Man narrated.

“I am Super Fallusion. When I was a boy, I always dreamed of being a hero.  I never miss an episode Superman, Spiderman, Fantastic Four and all of those hero stuffs.  Back then, I visualized myself of being a hero.  I grew up thinking and aspiring for that dream to come true.  Things did not turn out to be what they should be.  I ended up being a criminal.  A nuisance to the society.  Here in Nowhere Kingdom, I am a hero and I may not be able to wake up again to return to reality.  My broken dreams have left me wandering in this place.” Super Fallusion said.

Deranged also told his story:  “When I was young, I was so stubborn that I thought I knew everything?  I never extended any effort to ask questions about anything in my life?  Late in my life, this multitude of questions took its toll on me?  Now I’m baffled and my mind in an unending riddle?  Why? Why? Why? In this kingdom, my confusion is not evident since most people are perplexed as well.  I’ll remain away from reality until the day I stop asking questions and knowing the essence of my existence?  What am I talking about?”“

I’m the newest member of the kingdom. I was a very jolly person. Sob… Sob… Sob… Until my entire world crumbled right before my eyes. I tried to carry all the grief of all people in the world. I tried but I failed. People were offering their help to me but I refused their assistance.  For me, life is a problem that only the dejected lass can solve… Huh… Huh… Huh… I also lost my smile in the process. I’ll stay in the Nowhere Kingdom until I find my smile again… until I realize that life is worth living… until my miseries are over… I’m trapped in the kingdom.” Morose said while crying.

“I am ZXIOXZ, the leader of the nth galaxy. I have tried to conquer Earth for several times already but I failed. To add insult to injury… worthless things like a bread toaster and an alarm clock defeated me.  Our galaxy has lost billions of creatures because of these disappointing conquests. Hey wait a minute… Why am I telling these things??? I guess, I’m getting the hang of things here.” A surprised ZXIOXZ uttered.

Every member of the kingdom also told his or her own disheartening story. Just when about half of the kingdom has already told the story.

QAZ interrupted. “ZXIOXZ, the more time we spend here the more beating our morale would get, At this point, I really feel very low. We can never conquer Earth.”

“These creatures are filled with pathetic stories about their miserable lives.  This place is not really that energy rich since most of the energy coming from this planet is misery, failures, confusions and illusions.  We should retreat before all our warrior aliens die thinking about their desolation.” ZIQ said.

Huh… Huh… Huh… Sob…. Sob… Sob… What? Where? When? How? Why? Failures… broken dreams… Noooh!” All the warrior aliens exclaimed.

“If you don’t leave, I’ll leave. I can’t take this anymore. Their wretched lives are starting to keep e going somewhere. Please…. Let us leave this place in peace. I’d rather face alarm clocks and bread toasters rather than this.” QIX desperately said.

ZXIOXZ uttered: “Let us now leave…  This place is pathetic.  If we stay here any longer we might get stuck forever. Nth Galatians retreat!  What are we waiting for?”

With a very disconsolate heart, the extra-terrestrial beings from the nth galaxy rushed to their space shuttles.  All alien for himself. Because of this a lot of warrior aliens weren’t able to reach home. They got stranded in limbo for the next one million light years.

ZXIOXZ, QIX, QAZ, ZIQ and some warrior alien were able to return to the nth galaxy. Their plan to conquer Earth and the Nowhere Kingdom was gone for the meantime and hopefully… for good!  This is another failed conquest for ZXIOXZ and his troops.  They would have to undergo the process of increasing their forces in order to have another shot at conquering Earth or for that matter nowhere-nowhere land.

“This is the end of our ambition to conquer any planet?  Sob… Sob… Sob… We are a big failure?  Why am I saying that?  Why am I asking so many questions?  Why? Why? Why?  Huh… Huh… Huh…  If it weren’t for those meteor showers? Why do we always fail? And why can’t I help asking questions? Why? Why? Why?” ZXIOXZ cried.

ZXIOXZ and his warrior aliens have all the reason to be miserable because the enigma of Nowhere-Nowhere land has caught them.  Now the nth galaxy is already a place of illusions, broken dreams, confusions and miseries.  ZXIOXZ only hope that some light year soon they could go somewhere… do something and be someone…

Now once again, the Earth is safe from alien invaders from the nth galaxy.  ZXIOXZ and his troops have failed to conquer Earth again by… would you believe… the pitiful creatures of the NOWHERE KINGDOM.

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